From trauma to triumph ... Fragile but fierce Mum’s journey through pain
‘Art has been my saviour’
Phoenix rising ... Nikki Rowe with some of her remarkable artworks: “I now see the accident as a blessing and an incredible opportunity to merge mindfulness and art therapy into modern medical practice.”
by Tanya Outridge
In 2015, Yandina’s Nikki Rowe and her son were passengers in a car accident that left her in a wheelchair, unable to walk, and with a severe and painful condition called CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome), in both legs, hands and feet.
“I had just picked my son up after his first day of school and overnight, my five year old became my primary carer,” Nikki said. “It was definitely not part of any plan I had for either of our lives.”
Prior to the accident, Nikki had been an active person, into surfing and skating.
The pain of CRPS left her in a wheelchair and unable to do either.
She had just published her first book “Once a Girl, Now a Woman”, to great acclaim, and was about to embark on a tour to promote it.
The tour was cancelled, and due to the severe, chronic pain in her hands, Nikki was unable to write.
“Basically everything I loved, every place where I felt alive and could express myself, was taken away from me,” she explained.
“The first 12 months after the accident was incredibly hard. It was the ‘dark night of the soul’ that lasted for a year.”
The exact cause of complex regional pain syndrome isn’t well understood but may involve abnormal inflammation or nerve dysfunction. Complex regional pain is characterised by pain that is greater than would be expected from the injury that causes it.
“I quickly found out that because of the severity of the pain, medication features heavily in its treatment,” Nikki said. I have always been a spiritually aware person and I knew that I had to tap in and figure out the best way to both manage the pain, and to get out of the wheelchair and walk again. I also knew that it would be difficult to connect with and retrain my brain if I was on painkillers.”
‘When I tried to put weight on my feet, it felt as though my bones were breaking.
Nikki’s determination to overcome these challenges consumed her in the years that followed. “I was told by every medical expert I saw that I would never walk again. In my heart, I knew that was not the truth.”
Due to the nature of the accident, Nikki filed a personal injury claim and was repeatedly told that her refusal to use pain medication and her positive outlook were jeopardizing her case.
“I kind of knew that I could knuckle under, take the drugs, get the payout, and stay in a wheelchair for the rest of my life,” Nikki said. “But the thought of that was unbearable to me. Everything in me told me that I needed to find my own way to help my body heal.”
Sure enough, when the claim was heard in Court, although it was determined that the accident was the cause of the CRPS, the financial compensation was denied.
“I’m not going to lie, that was a bitter blow,” Nikki said. “I had been unable to work, was in pain constantly, and the money would have at least put a roof over my head.”
Another dark night of the soul.
As well, the pain was relentless.
“It is very difficult to describe CRPS,” said Nikki. “It is a constant burning, stinging sensation. It’s like you have been burnt, but you haven’t. When I tried to put weight on my feet, it felt as though my bones were breaking. When I look back on videos of myself learning to walk again, it is still upsetting.
“I really delved into Graded Motor Imagery Therapy which takes you forward practically to retrain your brain and central nervous system with the aim of lessening pain and restoring normal activities,” she said. “I used this with spiritual practices and mindfulness to train my feet to walk again. In the beginning, I would place my feet on a skateboard for a couple of minutes at a time and visualise myself skating. It was a long and slow process.”
Nikki organised an event called Rehabiliskate, to raise awareness for CRPS. For the final 100 meters she was able to get out of her wheelchair and stand on a skateboard, with the help of her father. Nikki has now been walking again for just over two years.
After the accident, agonising pain was Nikki’s constant companion. “There were times when it was completely unbearable, and I literally did not know what to do with myself,” Nikki said.
“One day, I felt compelled to pick up a pen and start drawing, and as I drew, my pain was channelled away. I couldn’t believe it. I have never been interested in art in my life and I found myself intuitively drawing Mandalas. At the time I didn’t know what they represented, and I learned that they represent the consciousness, from inside out.”
‘I knew that I had to tap in and figure out the best way to both manage the pain, and to get out of the wheelchair and walk again.
Nikki started drawing prolifically to manage the pain. “I had reached a point where I could barely pay my rent. And on impulse, I decorated a surfboard with Mandalas and posted it online for sale. I couldn’t believe it when someone bought it, and requests started coming in for more. That’s when Nikki Jade Creations was born.”
Nikki has drawn Mandalas and nature inspired art on everything from surfboards and skateboards, to guitars and motorbikes. She has recently published her second book “Fragile But Fierce”.
“The events of the past 6 years have forced me to dig deep into spirituality, and to develop my creativity, resilience and intuition,” Nikki said. “I have used my experiences, disappointments, pain and inner strength to explore my metaphysical journey and (I hope), encourage others who are awakening, to do the same.
“I now see the accident as a blessing and an incredible opportunity to merge mindfulness and art therapy into modern medical practice. My second book is written as an oracle, to be used to draw inspiration when it is needed most.
“I don’t ever want to be thought of as a victim, nor less than any other healthy person. I think I am a great example of not judging a book by it’s cover. I may be fragile, but ultimately, I’m fierce.”
• You can buy Fragile But Fierce at Booktopia, Balboa Press, Amazon, Ebay, Barnes and Noble or Goodreads. Check out Nikki’s artwork at www.nikkijadecollective.co
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